39 things you should have learnt by now...

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'.

27. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

38. Your friends love you anyway.

39 . Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

For Tony

My teenage sister had her friend to stay at the weekend. Late in the night the friends father turned up and needed to see her, he has been on a transplant waiting list for some time and he had recieved the phone call to say that he had to leave straight away to travel to the hospital a few hundred miles away. So he woke up his daughter and hugged her and told her that he would be better after the operation and they could then do all the things that he couldnt do because of his illness. He went under the anasthetic thinking that this was his chance to be well again. The transplant failed, he bled out and died. His daughters sleepily said goodbye to him that night and now he has gone. Hug those close to you and tell people you love them before its too late. My heart aches for those girls.

No time for blogging at the moment, Lolly recovered well from her chest infection only for Dumpling to go down hard with it. His temp keeps rising, giving him calpol and nurofen alternately every two hours, he falls asleep anywhere, he even feel asleep getting dressed yesterday morning, I left him sat on the floor with the towel wrapped around him and a pile of clothes and came back to find him fast asleep!

I've also been crazy enough to stand as the Chair of Dumplings school PTA! Have no idea what I'm letting myself in for, they have assured me that's fine, its a group effort but they do need a name for the Chair, Secretary and Treasurer for legal reasons but that we will all muck in gets what needs done done. First thing I have to do is write a newsletter as I wasn't aware how much the PTA does and if I wasn't aware before now then most of the parents at school wont be!

I bought Lolly a very cheap internet phone and while I couldnt get it to work on msn, it does work very well as a microphone for recording straight onto the pc, no crackles or whistling like the other 3 or 4 cheap microphones we have got, Lollys even been using it to record herself revising, then she can play it back to herself on her mp4 player, modern technology eh? no scribbled notes on crumpled paper as in my day! Anyway thought I might do some of my posts as me reading them, then you can all go ‘awwww’ at my accent, of course I don't think I have one and I assume that all bloggers sound like me because I read your blogs in my head voice! I thought it would be simple just to record a wave file and post it, surely blogger would have an option for that? no, you have to find a ‘pod host’ online and use the url for that in your blog, ok, I’m working on it, you may or may not hear my dulcet tones online as I may get stage fright and abandon he whole idea altogether!

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Lolly’s back at school, coughing and wheezing all the way, I’m just glad she had it now rather than the week of her exams.

Dumplings school newsletter said that only 5 parents had turned up for the PTA AGM and none of those wanted to be the Chairperson or Secretary, guess who thought it might be fun to organise the summer fair in a moment of ‘how hard could it be?’, left a message with the school and is now regretting it, what was I thinking, I barely talk to most of the mums at the school, let alone want to try and organise them into running a huge school fair!

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I’ve taken up jogging! No, dont laugh, I walk everywhere as I dont own a car and I walk Nemo twice a day, but and heres the big but (yes mine, currently sat on it) I dont ever get any sort of aerobic exercise, my heart rate never goes above what ever its supposed to and although I’m active, I’m not fit. So, last night I dug out the running shoes I’ve had for ages and an old tracksuit and with dumpling on his scooter and nemo running beside we ran round and round the park. My kneecap started to hurt at first, an old skating injury from many years ago, but it eased a little, I didnt feel as sick as I thought I was going to be and feel pretty good and lively this morning! I was going to do it again this morning but it was raining, so I settled for a few laps of the park walking, hey, its better than coming home and sitting at the pc eating biscuits? Ahem, which of course , is not what I’m doing now...

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Do you have a friend who you get on really well with, like the same things, your kids play together but sometimes you see a flash of their personality that you really don't like? Whilst out walking our dogs, her dog jumped up into the lap of a baby in a stroller, instead of being sorry and taking the dog under control she seemed more funny that the baby's mother had her dog on a lead, “no point having a dog if you cant let it run” she grumbled. Umm, your dog just scared and probably bruised a small child, don't you think at least an apology is in order? Then we passed another mother I’ve known vaguely for years, “do you know her?” she said and then ripped into her with reasons that are not really fair and in reality the same things could be said about me! Kind of unnerved me and I think I will have to be careful around her in future.

I feel guilty as a blogger when I go to my favourite blogs and see my name in their blogrolls, its so heart warming to think that other people actually took the time to put me on that list and yet I hardly blog. So, I’m writing this in works as I feel under pressure to write in blogger, just knowing that publish button is there makes me panicky and rush through it, here I can relax a little, edit a bit and try and get something written down for you to read!

I’m feeling a bit disheartened at the moment, not with my life but with people I know, the man who ran my daughters trampolining club has just been found guilty of sexual abuse of young girls many years ago. He’s awaiting sentencing. I know more about the case (nothing to do with us or Lolly) than the papers say but better not say anything, I doubt they read this blog but I am in theory publishing to the whole world!

Also a friends teenage daughter has just been diagnosed with a common std, I feel sick firstly that she's been having sex, ok, she is old enough legally but I still think of her as a toddler, but also she will have to deal with it for the rest of her life, what on earth do you do in that situation, if I had an std I wouldn't feel comfortable telling a new partner so its just going to get passed on? I hope I never have to go through that myself or with Lolly (not much chance of that, I don't plan on letting her out of my sight till she's 25...)

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Just glanced out of the window to see any egg laying on the lawn? On closer inspection it turns out that the chickens have figured out how to escape from their run! A little adjustment has been made, escapees have all been returned, eggs collected and all is well in my little chicken farm again! Don’t tell the fox but the other night I carefully padlocked the coop but didn’t actually have the overlapping part in place so it was unsecure the whole night, add that to the fact the I didn’t lock the back doors to the house properly and you’re lucky we’re here at all today!

Lolly is sick home from school with a chest infection, she has been complaining of feeling unwell for some time but I thought she was putting it on a bit. When her school rang twice in one day to say she was unwell I said I would take her to the doctors, “they will tell you you’re fine” I told her, umm, turns out she has a really bad infection, I should have brought her in earlier, she needs antibiotics and doctors ordered rest. Sorry Lolly, get well soon...

I love our dog and I would be the sort of woman who jumps in a swollen river or icy lake to save him, mainly because Lolly and Dumpling would be behind me screaming “ Mummy, save Nemo!” But I would ask anyone thinking about getting a puppy to think carefully, its like having a small furry toddler with attitude. He barks every time I get on the phone, either for attention or because he cant figure out who I’m talking to? I don't know but its so annoying to have to interrupt every phone call a few seconds in to go and throw him out the back door! And the dirt he brings in on his paws? don't get me started, every day I consider taking a photo of the pile of dirt I sweep into a pile and then vacuum up, its astounding just how much he brings in every single day! I used to sweep through and mop maybe twice a week, now its every morning and could really do with it in the evenings too. And Nemo has to wait outside until the floor is dry or any dirt on his feet mixes with the damp floor and makes even more paw prints! He knows the rules and 90% of the time is a great dog but he has defiant moments, you can tell its coming by his body language, he’ll jump up the sofa, you command him down, he actually watches you as you turn away to jump straight back up their again. The kids think its very funny when you can actually see the workings of his naughty mind but it makes me want to put him in time out!

Right I really have to get back to it, this house wont clean itself! I feel like I’m just doing enough of everything to get by and nothing fully, not just the house but my relationship with the kids, my family and friends, exercise, hobbies, just not enough time to everything to the standard I would like to and I again apologise for blogging coming somewhere at the bottom of the list, at least its before cleaning out the chinchilla cage...

can someone tell me how to add an audio clip to a post?

Kids are back at school after the Easter holidays, love them dearly but 6 hours without hearing "muuuuuuum" is wonderful! Have cleaned the floors and they have stayed clean! washed up a pile of dishes and they didnt reapear within seconds! I am singing along to my mp4 player and no one is complaining (well the dog is howling in the corner with his paws over his ears but thats my singing for you!)

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Does anyone else hate deleting photos from their camera even though you know they are backed up on the computer? Deleting cutes pics of my kids makes me feel bad!

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We're having snow and sunshine here, very strange, never know what you are going to see when you look out of the window!

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I sent someone a big parcel of new baby stuff when she had her baby, didnt even get a text to say thanks, I know its a busy time but not even to acknowledge the parcel? pah...

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I've ordered some egg boxes so I can give away the extra eggs the chooks lay! Will have fun designing labels for them later, I wanted the multi coloured egg boxes but really couldnt justify the cost, amazing what you can order from the net these days!

My new favourite song