Washing machine has new parts, dad isn't fried and I did 5 loads in a day, now I just have to iron it all, am drying it all on a rack or hung up in the laundry room, then tumbling to fluff. Cant believe how much dirty washing we create!
Saw Jon on Friday night, what a prat! Cant believe it was the same person, he behaved like a 15 year old boy all evening and declared on 5 different occasions that he wasn't gay, umm no one said you were, what are you getting defensive about? I've never met anyone quite so insecure and doing such an over the top job of overcompensating for it!
It has rained and rained and rained here, complete waste of a day. Dumpling went swimming with his grandad and Lolly and I took up various slouchy positions around the house to watch dvds or tv or to read, only getting up to get a drink, something to eat and then finding some where else to lay down!
My neighbour in the annexe paid me the the broadband rental, I couldn't get the pc to give me the code so I've left it unsecured, now its running slow, I guess the entire neighbourhood is running off my wireless now...
Did you know frogs dissolve? We saw two frogs on our decking, one hopped away and we realised that the one who didn't wasn't going to! He's slowly dissolving in the rain, gross but I cant help but watch!
I know hormones drive you crazy, but I think I am losing the plot, I was half way up the driveway on the way to get milk and bread from the corner shop when I realised that I didn't have my umbrella in my hand but Lolly's tennis racket in its cover...
Been so busy, haven't had time to write any decent posts so lets catch up newsflash style!
I have a very sore throat, it itches and feels like I have something stuck in it.
My washing machine has broken down. My dad came to check if it was the brushes that had worn away and forgot to turn it off at the mains. He got an electric shock but is fine. It blew the fuse box and took me half an hour to reset the pc's.
Its Lollys 13th birthday next week. I feel old.
Dumplings nanna (nana bettys daughter) rang to ask that I don't wear jeans to the funeral. Did she really think I was going to? I was the smartest person at dumplings grandpas funeral, just because I wear jeans in the day with the kids does not mean I would be so disrespectful as to wear them to a funeral. I'll put it down to grief and move on.
Dumplings school was given six eggs to hatch and now they have six little chicks. Knowing I'm a soft touch and take in animals they asked me if I wanted them! Rabbits are one thing but chickens! I don't know the first thing about keeping chickens, don't have a chicken pen or run and am sure the foxes would have them on the first night!
I took another long bus ride and walked for miles along some of the most beautiful coastline, blew the cobwebs away and was really enjoyable, caught some sun on my face which was protected by the spf in my face cream and makeup but my chest looks like its been blow torched. I have a wedding to attend in August and would like my tan to be vaguely equal when I wear a dress!
Will have the pleasure of seeing Jon tomorrow night for the first time since we 'didnt' break up??? Am going to a goodbye party for Leighannes lodger and he will be there, going to look damn good and smile like crazy!
Dumplings great Nana Betty on his fathers side passed away last night. She had just celebrated her 95th birthday. Her funeral will be held here, she will be buried next to her husband who passed away some 30 years ago. Seems strange that we will be able to visit her grave more often than we visited her when she was alive.
Have been neglecting the blog recently, my life feels a little bit tedious at times and I didn't want to write about it! However today was a good day, I have realised recently that I live in my own little bubble of comfort and don't stray outside it much. I go to the same places, shops etc and even my route within shops is the same, the older I get the more I like my habits but they do bore me sometimes!
So on Friday I decided that as I had an all week bus pass I would take the longest bus route to the last stop and have a look around! So I caught it to a town that I know the very centre of but have never been more than a mile of so from the bus stop in the centre. Its a very pretty town which is near countryside and water and just from walking out beyond the town I discovered a whole new world! I walked around a marsh area that has horses and cows living on and stopped to talk to an older couple who told me all about the area and where I could get to from here. I had heard of the places, they are only about 10 miles from where I live but I had never been there, I didn't know what I was missing, I have discovered an amazing area of countryside by the sea that just takes my breath away. Its so nice to go somewhere new, yet I can catch the bus from the top of my road to right there I now realise!
so today I set off with the children so show them, we walked a good deal of the way, Lolly and Dumpling have never walked so far in their lives but it was so much fun. Sadly I didn't take any photos, forgot my camera but we went on a land train and a ferry. Dumpling could barely contain his excitement when we walked up the jetty! But the funniest part of the day was catching a small ferry over s very small stretch of water and Dumpling exclaiming loudly as he disembarked "Wow, so this is what France looks like!" Umm, not quite...
Wednesdays are Dumplings exercise days, football club followed by swimming lessons, he sleeps like a dream Wednesday nights, He actually doesn't even move position in his little red bed. These new football classes are good for him to learn something about football so he doesn't feel left out as he gets older as Lolly and I are not even aware of football, its amazing that something that is big in this part of the world can completely pass us by. They are good for him to learn to deal with failure, he was so spoilt growing up with much older children around him who thought it was cute to let him win everything.
The last part of the lesson involves the boys splitting into two teams and them each being numbered 1-5, when the coach shouts a number the two corresponding boys have to run and tackle each other for the ball and try and score. Dumpling and Louie are pretty evenly matched so round and round they went trying to get control of the ball, nearer and nearer to the wall (sports hall, rather than field) until they were both so concentrating on their feet that they hit the wall, Dumplings head bounced off the wall, into the side of Louie's head and I think back off the wall again. 5 secs passed, frozen in time as Dumpling registered the pain and began to howl. I ran down the steps 3 at a time from the balcony to be met at the door by the coach and red faced, sobbing Dumpling. The coach told me I could get an ice pack from the bar on the first floor, so with no thought for my back, I picked Dumpling up and ran up the stairs. His howling was so loud the ice pack wrapped in paper towels was waiting for me at the bar. "It hurts!!!!" Dumpling sobbed, the hospital is only a short walk from the sports centre and I considered taking him there but as he hadn't lost consciousness, been sick or have an open wound I didn't think they would do much. He eventually stopped crying after asking me many times whether it was bleeding,'"no of course not" I replied, ''you would see blood if it was, wouldn't you?" "But it feels like bleeding? "Then suddenly his face look horrified, "What if I banged my brain and I cant remember things?!" I tried not too smirk, my son watches too much tv "Oh no" he said "I think I'm forgetting things" I assured him that he was not suffering from amnesia and how about we go to the library for half an hour to sit quietly and read a story and if he felt ok then he could still go to his swimming lesson. After 20 minutes of playing with a stack of cushions that were supposed to be little seats but made great building blocks I declared his brain free of damage and a swim would be fine. I warned his teacher who looked at me like I crazy, "He banged his head playing football? Don't they do that every week?" She didn't see any reason why he shouldn't swim so off he went, I don't think he even remembered the bump to the head by the end of the lesson but then that could just be the amnesia.....
Feeling more myself now, realised that my blues coincided with me running out of codliver oil/omega 3 tablets, have always thought they make me feel better brain wise, didn't bother to get any more till I next went food shopping, now I have them, normality has returned! Googled 'omega 3 + depression' this morning and guess what, I was right! Will keep stocked up and will also get some more B vitamin complex as recommended by Melanie.
I visited the friend who drives me crazy last week, I give up, unless I have to I'm going to avoid meeting up, I cant bear the constant questioning and implied criticism about my life from someone who wont strap their baby into the highchair or pushchair because 'she doesn't like it'.
My neighbour in the annexe asked if he paid half my broadband for the next six months in advance could he have the password to the wireless? Sure I said and let him have access, thanks he said and shut the door. Umm, the money? I'm too polite and afraid of conflict to remind him. I'll give him a few more days and mention it.
Dumplings grandmother is in a coma. I don't think the doctors give any hope of her coming out of it. I've only met her 3 or 4 times, we didn't speak on the phone because she couldn't hear me. I sent her photos of Dumpling every month but wish I had sent more. I think I feel more sad for other people, cant figure out how I feel myself.
I'm looking for part time work as baby Toms mum is taking extended maternity leave and doesn't need me for a while. I'm seriously missing the money, had to borrow some money off my credit card which is something I rarely do just to get through the week. I'm a qualified beauty therapist and even have a couch wrapped in plastic in the garden but I'm undecided as to whether to try to work from home again. My back may play up and the last time I put a pretty advert out there I had nothing but inappropriate calls of an entirely different nature, could have cleared my overdraft in an afternoon but that's really not my thing!!!
Feeling better in my head today, think yesterday was that hangover feeling I sometimes get after a migraine, takes me till its over to realise what it was.
Its hot and humid here today, was cloudy this morning so dressed for it and now have stripped off, think your self lucky this isnt on a webcam!
Am waiting to hear news of Dumplings great grandmother on his paternal side, she's 95 and has had a stroke. I know at 95 that the news might not be good but a small part of me holds out hope. She's such an amazing woman, even though Dumpling has only met her a few times as she lives so many 100's of miles away, I feel its a part of his life that he will miss.
My tummy is playing up with the pain medication and the other medication to undo its effects on my digestive system! Its all or nothing around here and lets just say I dare not pass wind!
Migraine ruined yesterday. We went to a folk festival that's has become far too popular for the small town in which its held. The heat, noise and people soon got too much for my head. I took my prescription painkillers but my stomach had already gone into shutdown mode and they had no effect. They did however all kick in at once when I got home and I passed out on the sofa, heavily sedated, woke at 10 pm to find Lolly had cooked a simple tea and they had both gone to bed. Good kids really despite how I felt about them yesterday. As I've said before they pick on my mood and instead of realising that my fuse is very short when I have a pounding head they play up, dumpling especially. The whining reached an unprecedented level yesterday and I was ready to snap. Days out have become very difficult as the gender difference and age gap is so obvious now. Lolly moons around not enjoying anything Dumpling likes, he picks up on her mood and I feel like a failure because no one is enjoying themselves. We are caught in a trap of bad moods and a really tight budget isn't helping. I'm one step off depression at the moment. Solokiwimum tagged me for reasons why I love myself and I cant think of a damn thing to write! At least I recognise the warning signs and am hoping this will pass.
He is so lovely! He was getting changed when I got there (very advanced baby...!)and when he was dressed his mum just handed him straight to me! He stopped fussing and cuddled in, I felt so flattered! He is so cute, I was smitten! Can not wait till they want me to babysit!
Baby Toms little brother arrived this morning safe and sound, 7 lbs 3 oz, yet to be named. We have yet to see what he looks like, we missed visiting hours by a few minutes and were spoken to very rudely by a member of the hospital staff who snatched the present and card off us to take to them without even asking who we were! Toms dad realised it was from us and came out to say thankyou, he looked very happy and relaxed! I will try and pop in tomorrow, I just want a glimpse of my new work load!
Am in the process of trying to get through to my children that the reason I'm tired, grumpy and dont have time for them is because they create an enormous amount of mess, dont do what they are told, defy me and bicker with each other. The only time they behave and get their chores done is if I get incredibly angry and then they do it out of fear, usually with a wobbling bottom lip. I'm not going to go to much into this and my blood pressure rises and I feel close to tears but life in this house is not very happy-go-lucky at the moment.
Pretty much back to myself. It was a very long half term with a very tight budget, bad weather and two kids who pick up on my mood and don't behave very well either. They are both back at school today and as much as we love each other I think we were sick of each other!
I've been quietly very worried about baby Toms mum and the new baby due in two days. She has many medical problems in the pregnancy sense and has a C-section booked Thursday. This will be her last baby, she has had many, many miscarriages and baby Jack was still-born a few years ago. I know she is in the best hands, has seen consultants in London throughout the pregnancy and been scanned endlessly so there isn't much they don't know or expect but I cant help but worry a lot and have been keeping it to myself so as not to worry Lolly or Dumpling.
I'm having a bit of pointless 'mommy guilt' at the moment, the house is a mess, but then whose isn't after a week of the kids being off? Like teenage girls are affected by pictures of models, I'm bothered by media images of clean kitchens with clean smiling children running through them, while gorgeous mummy looks on fondly...I KNOW ITS NOT LIKE THAT! My brain is battling either side of the arguement, I know images in adverts, magazines, tv programmes are not true and not real but I cant help but want that ideal. Have been gardening yesterday, got fed up in the end, my mum calls me the impatient gardener, I want it to look like something from 'Homes and Gardens' NOW !
I'm happy being single but it seems a lot of older members of my friends and family are not, various relations and friends had heard either through me or the grapevine that I had been seeing Jon, seems a few bought hats too... They are all bitterly disappointed that I'm not seeing him any more. This is the trouble with being single for so long, one man comes along and they all jump on the 'Jenny's got a man' bandwagon, even my mum confessed she thought he might be 'the one' and fantasised about our wedding...our what? Do you see how much pressure I'm under here? I feel like I'm letting them down when they find out I 'let him go', I'm not bloody fishing here! It suggests that I'm not good enough till I bag a man, they seem to think I'm just coasting along till I meet a man, isn't my life good enough as it is? I don't know, but I don't like the way I feel about their reactions.
The flip side to that is that in my twenties men were beating a path to my door, I could pick and choose and enjoyed the attention but at 32 they are more likely to be looking at Lolly! Does it make sense that I don't want a relationship but I want men to want to have one with me?
I've just watched Le Grand Bleu for the first time, the video has been in my cupboard for years and I never thought to watch it. Amazing. It made me cry (actually I think I cried because I can never go back 20 years and find Jean-Marc Barr, so beautiful....) But she was so miscast, ruined that role, have you seen it?