Sunday, 7 September 2008

Identity

Having a mild bout of the blues, no particular reason, just the rainy weather, lack of money and the evenings drawing in, feel like I've been cheated out of my summer! Really annoyed that we never got to even put up the tent we bought in the sales! I need to spend some time adjusting my thought patterns, I once got an email that I should dig out that said instead of moaning that you have to clean your house, be grateful you have one to clean, there are so may things in that vein that i need to think about.Years ago I would have gone to the doctor and asked to be put on a mild course of anti depressants but i much prefer to attack this cognitively, I know myself well enough to know if I really did need medication and so far I dont. One thing I realised late last night as I put away a few things was that I'm so much a mum and child carer that I really have lost sight of me. My parents and grandparents always say the same thing, they are very proud of how much I dedicate my life to my kids and others but they always say to look after myself as well, I shrug and say I'm fine, I've forgotten what i do for fun anymore. I looked around my house after watching some detective programme where they figured out they guy they were looking for by the contents of his house, I wondered what someone could figure out about me and realised not much. Apart from my camera by the pc, I couldnt find much trace of me. Pictures of the kids at the beach, horse riding and playing in the garden, toys for every age, arts and crafts, nothing gave any hint to me. So its on my to-do list to remember what I do and some way of showing it!

3 comments:

QuJaBaKa said...

Its spooky reading this post, I can hear myself in every bit of it. I think the only conclusion someone would arrive at in my place is that I am disorganised! I have made myself a deal, when my son is 5 that will be then end of childcare but until that point I need to find someway to remember myself. Good luck with your rediscovery of yourself.

Maria said...

Ah, I'm the same way, Jen. My life is my child and for the life of me, I just can't seem to find much time for myself lately.

Anonymous said...

thanks so much for writing that. it helps to know im not alone.

with so much to be thankful for, i shouldnt feel so sad.

now i am sad and guilt-ridden !

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