I'm sat in a kids play area with Lollys laptop, free wi-fi, didnt really need to bring it but the play areas free as the little boy I look after is a member so it seemed like to good an offer to pass up! Actually got some PTA emails done that I wouldnt have had time for later. Anyway, read this, made me laugh out loud, especially the last one about the zip up hoody as that exactly what I'm wearing!

Most of the time I just eat dinner as a way of justifying my desert, its nice and ok and stops me feeling hungry but I sometimes wish I could just take a pill that would have the same effect. I dont much like cooking, it can be fun when I'm in the food but doing it every day for the past 14 years has become a bore. My kids dont appreciate it, they would happily live on junk food and one or the other always claims "I dont like thatanymore"

But today I made a damn good spaghetti bolagnese with meatballs, I just had the bolognese and some potatoes as I cant eat pasta but the kids had the full works. And they didnt moan. And they ate it, and now they are stuffed and quiet and have sauce stained mouths! And I really enjoyed mine, made me realise how much I shovel food whilst on the pc with out even looking at my plate just trying to stop my tummy rumbling. Maybe I'll take a cooking course and learn some more and learn to enjoy food?

The finger is better but not without oral antibiotics which made me feel sick and dizzy (I'm allergic to penicillin, so had to have something else) and some cream that also treats 'dhobie itch', wasnt sure what that was and looked it up, wish I hadnt now...

Over run with PTA stuff, every small thing needs time, checking with various people and is exhausting when trying to run a family and pets too, I dont regret joining but had no idea how much work goes on behind the scenes to run what appear to be the simplest of fundraising events!

Trying to get the garden done before winter sets in but going to Wales this weekend, everytime I think I have spare time, something rushes in a fills it up!

Must go, have emails to write, letters to post, permission slips to fill and a dog to walk! x

ooooowwwww, cant type very well using all the wrong fingers as pointy finger on left hand has one of those infections you get down the side of the nail, hurts like crazy if I so much as brush it against something! Be back when swelling goes down!x

Feeling better today, still tired of telling the children the same things I tell them every day, you think it would have stuck by now? Have to remind myself of the saying that 'a piano doesnt stay tuned' meaning that with children it doesnt stick and you do have to keep on telling them and showing them what to do, frustrating but neccessary! Serious laziness on their parts but in a childs head it like a game to see how much they can get away with, only adults get that sense of satisfaction from doing a job properly. For example the cat poo-ed in the bathroom, no idea why, he's never poo-ed anywhere but the litter box before, I told Lolly it was her cat and she could clean it up, now bear in mind its right by the loo on top of a magazine (yes, I'm a toilet reader, dont judge me) and there are baby wipes nearby, so you think she would scoop up the poop with a wipe, flush and then throw the magazine away in the outside bin? no, dont be silly, she just picked up the magazine and dropped the whole lot into the bathroom bin! So I come in and am gagging at the smell, thinking he must have done it again and she cleared it up, nope it the smell of aforementioned poop in the open bin beside the sink. What do you do?

Identity

Having a mild bout of the blues, no particular reason, just the rainy weather, lack of money and the evenings drawing in, feel like I've been cheated out of my summer! Really annoyed that we never got to even put up the tent we bought in the sales! I need to spend some time adjusting my thought patterns, I once got an email that I should dig out that said instead of moaning that you have to clean your house, be grateful you have one to clean, there are so may things in that vein that i need to think about.Years ago I would have gone to the doctor and asked to be put on a mild course of anti depressants but i much prefer to attack this cognitively, I know myself well enough to know if I really did need medication and so far I dont. One thing I realised late last night as I put away a few things was that I'm so much a mum and child carer that I really have lost sight of me. My parents and grandparents always say the same thing, they are very proud of how much I dedicate my life to my kids and others but they always say to look after myself as well, I shrug and say I'm fine, I've forgotten what i do for fun anymore. I looked around my house after watching some detective programme where they figured out they guy they were looking for by the contents of his house, I wondered what someone could figure out about me and realised not much. Apart from my camera by the pc, I couldnt find much trace of me. Pictures of the kids at the beach, horse riding and playing in the garden, toys for every age, arts and crafts, nothing gave any hint to me. So its on my to-do list to remember what I do and some way of showing it!

One glass of wine....

and you get me dancing to a beach boys tribute...!

I know, I'm neglecting to blog much at the moment, but I'm either out having fun and to busy to blog or I'm at home and too tired and frustrated to blog.

(Theres a lane that runs down the side of my house leading to the road behind me, people drive me crazy, we're all in , dumplings humming and drawing, Lolly is ironing and I'm on the pc, some woman can hear all the goings on as the french doors are open and all I hear hear her saying is "who's that?" WE'RE NOT TALKING TO YOU, WE'RE IN OUR HOUSE TALKING TO EACH OTHER. Either that or people think its a private place to talk on their mobile phones, just because they cant see us over the six foot fences doesnt mean we cant hear every single thing you say. And all I can say to the teenage drunk girl who had a 'wee'(not the word she used) in the lane, right underneath my bedroom window is nice)

Anyway, if I was out and having fun then it must have been at one of these places

1) At the circus, we were given free tickets by a friend of my mums, when we got there, the lighting tech was an old school friend who gave us the full tour, met the cast, let dumpling play with the light deck and basically gave us the VIP treatment and we got to see the circus agan the next day for free!
2) At a free music festival in a large park near here, great fun, met some old friends, took picnic chairs and a small bottle of wine, gave me a headache by early evening but what the heck? I went both days, didnt take my kids the second day as couldnt take any more of the whining and bickering.

And thats the flip side of having the kids home all summer, 24-7 of listening to them doesnt give me the chance to appreciate them how can I miss you if you wont go away? They have both been lazy to the point of ridiculous and the only way they will do anything is if I get 'army angry'! If I ask nicely for them to pick up their mess, put their plates in the dishwasher and get their stinking bodies in the shower, all I get is a vague hand wave and "in a minute..." I have to raise my voice and get all seargant major on them, then it takes me an age to calm down, my back pain intensifies, my blood pressure goes up and I'm irritable and headachey, then they want worship for doing the things I ask and expect of them!

It doesnt feel like a summer this year, the weather really has been rubbish, if its not raining, its overcast. Its just not right to spend the August bank holiday in a sweatshirt and jeans with your umbrella handy!

what else has happened? Friends of my dads came over with him while I was out as I said they could take as many apples as they liked of my tree, I assumed they might leave me a bucket of apples and maybe tidy up the windfalls in return? nope, grabbed and ran, I wouldnt dare be so rude?

Have two new boys starting in October, petite toddler and his seven month old brother who only weighs 2lb less than him! Because the baby is so big he looks like he should be able to do more than he can, he can barely sit up, yet you think he might walk! Its just one day a week, wish it was earlier as have been used to the extra money doing holiday care and have a month with very little work right before dumplings birthday!

ok , more later, back pain is just too much to sit at the pc any longer x

RIP Cookie

Our pet chicken, Cookie was badly injured by the fox last night, he grabbed her and I got her back off him, I aint afaid of no varmint... but her insides were hanging out the back end, I hoped she might pass away in her sleep of shock but she was still alive this morning so our hunter neighbour, RAF guy who keeps ducks himself despatched her quickly. Realy upset me as we hatched her ourselves and was a real character, I cant tell the three youngest chickens apart yet I could write you a page about Cookie. Will miss her very much.

Its August, I live in Britain, so, you guessed it, its pouring down with rain. Torrential rain, my (fixed) roof is leaking again. I have to dress like one of the men on that tv show where they catch crabs in big boats, whats it called?Its the same programme every week, but my kids love it, the biggest catch? something like that, anyway I have to dress in full welly boots and plastic mac because its pouring down and as the garden is covered in chicken and dog poo and the garden slopes, I run the very real risk of landing flat on my back on the mud if I slip, that is if I don't break my neck on the decking first which becomes a veritable ice rink when wet. All this to feed chickens who KEEP EATING THEIR OWN EGGS! I feed them everything, layers feed, cabbage, bread, corn, I even gave them all the contents of the half empty boxes of cereal that the kids had got bored of and left to decompose in the larder, they cant still be hungry? (the chickens, not the kids) We do get some eggs, but they quite often look up at me with innocent expressions while their beaks and necks are covered IN YOLK! Busted!

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Off out in a few minutes for a PTA pizza night...wooooo...yayyyyyy...not really! OK, it might be fun, but I'm only actually going because I know how much they will bitch about me if I'm not there!

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I made the huge mistake of going into town on a rainy saturday afternoon in august, hell on earth, full of tourists walking round in shorts and rainjackets, stopping me to ask where the beach is, its about 4 miles from the town centre, didnt you do any research before booking a holiday here? One man stopped me and asked me which town centre car park would be best for him to visit Tower park, (its where the bowling alley, cinemas etc are)umm, none of them unless you want to walk the four miles to get there, if I even visit a town for a day, I at least have a look on the web and see where the places that I plan to visit are, I dont just assume they will all be lined up next to each other, sorry, living in a tourist town can be a little trying. Perhaps its the fact that I'm the only one dressed appropiatley for the weather that makes them know that I'm local and canbe asked all manner of questions!