Google analytics tells me I have had
163 visits from 69 cities
so why do only 3 or 4 people ever comment...?
Please tell me if you stop by.....please?
Wednesday, 13 June 2007
Wednesday
Feeling more myself now, realised that my blues coincided with me running out of codliver oil/omega 3 tablets, have always thought they make me feel better brain wise, didn't bother to get any more till I next went food shopping, now I have them, normality has returned! Googled 'omega 3 + depression' this morning and guess what, I was right! Will keep stocked up and will also get some more B vitamin complex as recommended by Melanie.
*************************************************************
I visited the friend who drives me crazy last week, I give up, unless I have to I'm going to avoid meeting up, I cant bear the constant questioning and implied criticism about my life from someone who wont strap their baby into the highchair or pushchair because 'she doesn't like it'.
*************************************************************
My neighbour in the annexe asked if he paid half my broadband for the next six months in advance could he have the password to the wireless? Sure I said and let him have access, thanks he said and shut the door. Umm, the money? I'm too polite and afraid of conflict to remind him. I'll give him a few more days and mention it.
************************************************************
Dumplings grandmother is in a coma. I don't think the doctors give any hope of her coming out of it. I've only met her 3 or 4 times, we didn't speak on the phone because she couldn't hear me. I sent her photos of Dumpling every month but wish I had sent more. I think I feel more sad for other people, cant figure out how I feel myself.
*************************************************************
I'm looking for part time work as baby Toms mum is taking extended maternity leave and doesn't need me for a while. I'm seriously missing the money, had to borrow some money off my credit card which is something I rarely do just to get through the week. I'm a qualified beauty therapist and even have a couch wrapped in plastic in the garden but I'm undecided as to whether to try to work from home again. My back may play up and the last time I put a pretty advert out there I had nothing but inappropriate calls of an entirely different nature, could have cleared my overdraft in an afternoon but that's really not my thing!!!
*************************************************************
I visited the friend who drives me crazy last week, I give up, unless I have to I'm going to avoid meeting up, I cant bear the constant questioning and implied criticism about my life from someone who wont strap their baby into the highchair or pushchair because 'she doesn't like it'.
*************************************************************
My neighbour in the annexe asked if he paid half my broadband for the next six months in advance could he have the password to the wireless? Sure I said and let him have access, thanks he said and shut the door. Umm, the money? I'm too polite and afraid of conflict to remind him. I'll give him a few more days and mention it.
************************************************************
Dumplings grandmother is in a coma. I don't think the doctors give any hope of her coming out of it. I've only met her 3 or 4 times, we didn't speak on the phone because she couldn't hear me. I sent her photos of Dumpling every month but wish I had sent more. I think I feel more sad for other people, cant figure out how I feel myself.
*************************************************************
I'm looking for part time work as baby Toms mum is taking extended maternity leave and doesn't need me for a while. I'm seriously missing the money, had to borrow some money off my credit card which is something I rarely do just to get through the week. I'm a qualified beauty therapist and even have a couch wrapped in plastic in the garden but I'm undecided as to whether to try to work from home again. My back may play up and the last time I put a pretty advert out there I had nothing but inappropriate calls of an entirely different nature, could have cleared my overdraft in an afternoon but that's really not my thing!!!
Monday, 11 June 2007
Post 101 !
Didnt even notice it was my 100th post yesterday!
Feeling better in my head today, think yesterday was that hangover feeling I sometimes get after a migraine, takes me till its over to realise what it was.
Its hot and humid here today, was cloudy this morning so dressed for it and now have stripped off, think your self lucky this isnt on a webcam!
Am waiting to hear news of Dumplings great grandmother on his paternal side, she's 95 and has had a stroke. I know at 95 that the news might not be good but a small part of me holds out hope. She's such an amazing woman, even though Dumpling has only met her a few times as she lives so many 100's of miles away, I feel its a part of his life that he will miss.
My tummy is playing up with the pain medication and the other medication to undo its effects on my digestive system! Its all or nothing around here and lets just say I dare not pass wind!
Feeling better in my head today, think yesterday was that hangover feeling I sometimes get after a migraine, takes me till its over to realise what it was.
Its hot and humid here today, was cloudy this morning so dressed for it and now have stripped off, think your self lucky this isnt on a webcam!
Am waiting to hear news of Dumplings great grandmother on his paternal side, she's 95 and has had a stroke. I know at 95 that the news might not be good but a small part of me holds out hope. She's such an amazing woman, even though Dumpling has only met her a few times as she lives so many 100's of miles away, I feel its a part of his life that he will miss.
My tummy is playing up with the pain medication and the other medication to undo its effects on my digestive system! Its all or nothing around here and lets just say I dare not pass wind!
Sunday, 10 June 2007
Migraine ruined yesterday. We went to a folk festival that's has become far too popular for the small town in which its held. The heat, noise and people soon got too much for my head. I took my prescription painkillers but my stomach had already gone into shutdown mode and they had no effect. They did however all kick in at once when I got home and I passed out on the sofa, heavily sedated, woke at 10 pm to find Lolly had cooked a simple tea and they had both gone to bed. Good kids really despite how I felt about them yesterday. As I've said before they pick on my mood and instead of realising that my fuse is very short when I have a pounding head they play up, dumpling especially. The whining reached an unprecedented level yesterday and I was ready to snap. Days out have become very difficult as the gender difference and age gap is so obvious now. Lolly moons around not enjoying anything Dumpling likes, he picks up on her mood and I feel like a failure because no one is enjoying themselves. We are caught in a trap of bad moods and a really tight budget isn't helping. I'm one step off depression at the moment. Solokiwimum tagged me for reasons why I love myself and I cant think of a damn thing to write! At least I recognise the warning signs and am hoping this will pass.
Friday, 8 June 2007
Baby Toms little (un-named as yet) brother!
He is so lovely! He was getting changed when I got there (very advanced baby...!)and when he was dressed his mum just handed him straight to me! He stopped fussing and cuddled in, I felt so flattered! He is so cute, I was smitten! Can not wait till they want me to babysit!
Thursday, 7 June 2007
Thursday
Baby Toms little brother arrived this morning safe and sound, 7 lbs 3 oz, yet to be named. We have yet to see what he looks like, we missed visiting hours by a few minutes and were spoken to very rudely by a member of the hospital staff who snatched the present and card off us to take to them without even asking who we were! Toms dad realised it was from us and came out to say thankyou, he looked very happy and relaxed! I will try and pop in tomorrow, I just want a glimpse of my new work load!
Am in the process of trying to get through to my children that the reason I'm tired, grumpy and dont have time for them is because they create an enormous amount of mess, dont do what they are told, defy me and bicker with each other. The only time they behave and get their chores done is if I get incredibly angry and then they do it out of fear, usually with a wobbling bottom lip. I'm not going to go to much into this and my blood pressure rises and I feel close to tears but life in this house is not very happy-go-lucky at the moment.
*********************************************************
Am in the process of trying to get through to my children that the reason I'm tired, grumpy and dont have time for them is because they create an enormous amount of mess, dont do what they are told, defy me and bicker with each other. The only time they behave and get their chores done is if I get incredibly angry and then they do it out of fear, usually with a wobbling bottom lip. I'm not going to go to much into this and my blood pressure rises and I feel close to tears but life in this house is not very happy-go-lucky at the moment.
Tuesday, 5 June 2007
Pretty much back to myself. It was a very long half term with a very tight budget, bad weather and two kids who pick up on my mood and don't behave very well either. They are both back at school today and as much as we love each other I think we were sick of each other!
I've been quietly very worried about baby Toms mum and the new baby due in two days. She has many medical problems in the pregnancy sense and has a C-section booked Thursday. This will be her last baby, she has had many, many miscarriages and baby Jack was still-born a few years ago. I know she is in the best hands, has seen consultants in London throughout the pregnancy and been scanned endlessly so there isn't much they don't know or expect but I cant help but worry a lot and have been keeping it to myself so as not to worry Lolly or Dumpling.
I'm having a bit of pointless 'mommy guilt' at the moment, the house is a mess, but then whose isn't after a week of the kids being off? Like teenage girls are affected by pictures of models, I'm bothered by media images of clean kitchens with clean smiling children running through them, while gorgeous mummy looks on fondly...I KNOW ITS NOT LIKE THAT! My brain is battling either side of the arguement, I know images in adverts, magazines, tv programmes are not true and not real but I cant help but want that ideal. Have been gardening yesterday, got fed up in the end, my mum calls me the impatient gardener, I want it to look like something from 'Homes and Gardens' NOW !
I'm happy being single but it seems a lot of older members of my friends and family are not, various relations and friends had heard either through me or the grapevine that I had been seeing Jon, seems a few bought hats too... They are all bitterly disappointed that I'm not seeing him any more. This is the trouble with being single for so long, one man comes along and they all jump on the 'Jenny's got a man' bandwagon, even my mum confessed she thought he might be 'the one' and fantasised about our wedding...our what? Do you see how much pressure I'm under here? I feel like I'm letting them down when they find out I 'let him go', I'm not bloody fishing here! It suggests that I'm not good enough till I bag a man, they seem to think I'm just coasting along till I meet a man, isn't my life good enough as it is? I don't know, but I don't like the way I feel about their reactions.
The flip side to that is that in my twenties men were beating a path to my door, I could pick and choose and enjoyed the attention but at 32 they are more likely to be looking at Lolly! Does it make sense that I don't want a relationship but I want men to want to have one with me?
I've been quietly very worried about baby Toms mum and the new baby due in two days. She has many medical problems in the pregnancy sense and has a C-section booked Thursday. This will be her last baby, she has had many, many miscarriages and baby Jack was still-born a few years ago. I know she is in the best hands, has seen consultants in London throughout the pregnancy and been scanned endlessly so there isn't much they don't know or expect but I cant help but worry a lot and have been keeping it to myself so as not to worry Lolly or Dumpling.
I'm having a bit of pointless 'mommy guilt' at the moment, the house is a mess, but then whose isn't after a week of the kids being off? Like teenage girls are affected by pictures of models, I'm bothered by media images of clean kitchens with clean smiling children running through them, while gorgeous mummy looks on fondly...I KNOW ITS NOT LIKE THAT! My brain is battling either side of the arguement, I know images in adverts, magazines, tv programmes are not true and not real but I cant help but want that ideal. Have been gardening yesterday, got fed up in the end, my mum calls me the impatient gardener, I want it to look like something from 'Homes and Gardens' NOW !
I'm happy being single but it seems a lot of older members of my friends and family are not, various relations and friends had heard either through me or the grapevine that I had been seeing Jon, seems a few bought hats too... They are all bitterly disappointed that I'm not seeing him any more. This is the trouble with being single for so long, one man comes along and they all jump on the 'Jenny's got a man' bandwagon, even my mum confessed she thought he might be 'the one' and fantasised about our wedding...our what? Do you see how much pressure I'm under here? I feel like I'm letting them down when they find out I 'let him go', I'm not bloody fishing here! It suggests that I'm not good enough till I bag a man, they seem to think I'm just coasting along till I meet a man, isn't my life good enough as it is? I don't know, but I don't like the way I feel about their reactions.
The flip side to that is that in my twenties men were beating a path to my door, I could pick and choose and enjoyed the attention but at 32 they are more likely to be looking at Lolly! Does it make sense that I don't want a relationship but I want men to want to have one with me?
Sunday, 3 June 2007
Saturday, 2 June 2007
I've just watched Le Grand Bleu for the first time, the video has been in my cupboard for years and I never thought to watch it. Amazing. It made me cry (actually I think I cried because I can never go back 20 years and find Jean-Marc Barr, so beautiful....) But she was so miscast, ruined that role, have you seen it?
I'm thinking of you Maria, well not too graphically in your current condition , but hoping you feel better soon! x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
L and I 1997
Dumpling!
