Update

After a few days of stress it turns out that my landlord got an eight and a zero the wrong way round! Phew, I dont have to sell my body to afford the rent!

Sunday

Pretty good day considering that all the days are blending into one at the moment, with the kids being off school there is very little to distinguish the days. Went to Dumplings school friends birthday party, very nice, in a little hall with a hired magician who fancied himself as a bit of a comedian with the parents, I got off very lightly but he was very cheeky to the grandmother of the boy but she took it very well and at one point all the adults were crying with laughter. He kept the kids entertained and sat down for the whole hour he was booked and they laughed a lot too, he was very slapstick and they loved it. Then food and a game of pass-the-parcel with a layer and sweets for all 24 of the children, 24 layers of shiny wrapping paper must have cost more than the present! A small glass of wine for the adults, I had to sleep for an hour when I got home, cant take my wine at the best of times and certainly not on a Sunday lunchtime with only 2 cocktail sausages, a small ham sandwich and a handful of teddy bear crisps!

*********************************************************

Been trying to have a clear out at home, we have so much tat, even after few hours housework it still looks untidy but there's so much I cant bear to part with, I hate to think of things being wasted by throwing them away but I know they are being wasted sat around my house. Every night I think I will attack the house with some bin liners and either throw things away or give stuff to the charity shop but only a small bag ever makes it! We have more toys than the average playschool but Dumpling does play with them, whatever I get down from the 'ledge' that our toys are on (will post a pic when its tidier) he throws himself at them with gusto so why get rid of them just to make more space for me to vacuum? I have a bad habit of keeping things out on show because if I put every thing away I don't know what I have, the stuff that is 'away' doesn't get used and that's pointless too, oh I give up, the house can be minimalist and tidy when the kids leave home!

Stress

I hate this week of the year, my tenany is due for renewal and something always goes wrong with the paperwork, my landlord sent me an agreement with £100 a month less rent on it than he actually wants, yet he's putting it up by £100 a month! I dont understand what he thought he meant on the agreement, so many many polite texts have been going back and forth, I dont want to upset him, I love this house and want to stay and he likes us and wants us to stay but with more money. (the roof is leaking with all this rain but I'm not telling him till all this is settled)

Nightmare!

I went to see the dream boys last night for my friend Emma's hen night! Its entertainment I guess but it doesn't really do anything for me, I think g-strings look awful on men! I had four drinks, 2 small glasses of wine and two vodka and lemonades, fell rough this morning and has taken copious amounts of water and painkillers for the throbbing headache to stop. I'm such an old fart, cant take my drink and when one of the strippers covered his bits in baby oil and then, umm, flicked it at the crowd with a swing of his hips, all I could think of was how unhygienic!

Most of the UK is silent.....

All the kids are reading the new Harry Potter book, including Lolly, have barely seen her today!

Have refilled my prescription of pain meds after pulling my back lifting rabbit cages around so feeling much better even though things havnt changed!

Dumplings absent father had the cheek to write to me today, 4 sides of A4 of self indulgent crap, telling me I was 'stand-offish' at the funeral, and that I know deep down in my heart that he is not a bad person and that he might like to see Dumpling. NOT A CHANCE was the general reaction. I'm not going into it too much on here but he has denied that he is dumplings father, has wished me dead and various other things. Dumpling wouldnt know him if he passed him in the street and I would like it to stay that way.

View of my road

Its July and I'm still wearing wellington boots and a coat...

Had a an awful day, I want to use many swear words but have said enough today and shouldn't use them on the blog. My period is overdue, no I'm not pregnant, you need to have sex for that, sometimes stress seems to delay it and the hormone buildup is unbearable. Dumplings school rang at 10.30 again and said he wasn't well, could I pick him up, third time this month, he only has tomorrow and then he breaks up for the summer but he only has to clutch his tummy and moan a little and they run for the phone. He was fine when I picked him up and he knew he had pulled a fast one. I had already arranged to meet his Nana for lunch so I took him with. He behaved like an absolute brat, literally putting himself between her and me so we couldn't hold a conversation, he went on and on playing up till he knocked over a huge glass of orange juice, most of which went into my handbag which was laying sideways on the table, to make it worse, Nana picked it upright so it all ran into my phone, purse and keys, I'm screaming at her to stop as if she hadn't it would have puddled in the top and not touched the phone, I'm tipping it out trying to save my stuff and she's panicking making it worse, in the end I snapped at her to leave it and she went to get paper towels, then comes back and trys to dry a vets leaflet that was in my bag, why would I want a paper leaflet dry, I'm trying to save an expensive phone here! Dumplings lies on the floor under the table crying and then I look over and realise that his playschool teachers are having their end of term lunch here and are all staring and the swearing mother, the panicking grandmother and the sobbing child. When Dumplings ice cream arrived I told him he couldn't have it till he stopped howling, sat in the chair I specified ie not next to me and apologised. Of course Nana starts trying to give him the bloody ice cream, I had to firmly tell her to stop it, I'm sick of people raising their eyebrows at my kids behaviour but encouraging it against my wishes, the grandmas in this family are driving me crazy. Stop spoiling my children and then telling me they are spoiled! Oh my nerves are frazzled here and I'm close to angry pissed off tears, I'm sick of my kids squabbling, I'm sick of the mess they make. They are both masters of passive aggression, they would never be directly disrespectful to me but they just quietly ignore what I ask, or do as little as possible and they both cant bear that I have a life, even a phone conversation is interrupted by 'emergencies'. Most people see two pretty good kids and they are, its the 20% of them thats driving me insane and they things they get into trouble for are not that bad, its the fact that its every fucking day, the same shoes I trip over, the same unflushed toilet, the same toothpaste stain down the sink. We have a dishwasher but I have to hovver over them with a baseball bat to get them to put a plate in it, I can say to them as they leave the room "put that in the dishwasher" when I go to the kitchen, there it is on the worktop. Its the repetitiveness of what I'm angry for that is tipping me over the edge, its groundhog day of small chores and it makes me sob with frustration that they don't remember that doing something (or not doing it) make mummy scream with fury yesterday and the day before but it will be ok today...why don't they learn from their mistakes?

And the puppy gets taken out every half hour but pisses on the floor as soon as we're not looking. We still cant take him out for a walk until he is fully inoculated, maybe then the smell of other dogs will make him do all his peeing then and I can stop mopping the floor every few minutes.

carrying on the bum thought process...

http://www.backlesslingerie.com/about_us.html

I thought it was a wind up at first....

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=469385&in_page_id=1879

Its not just me thats thinking the same thing about bikinis!

Cameron Diaz

If running around in the surf gives you a bum like this then I'm off to the beach! I hate her! My bum in a bikini scares small children! I know she's prone to the odd acne outburst but I'd still kill for a figure like this!

(Yeh, I know, I published this and then read the post below about eating all the teachers chocolates...thats why I dont have a peachy smooth bum...)

chocolate sinner

I bought chocolates for Dumplings last day of term to give to his teacher and her assistant. But thats a week today. And I can go shopping again on Tuesday. Guess whats going to happen to those chocolates....?

Lolly has too many teachers to buy for and her french teacher is leaving the school, she will not be missed after the way she has treated Lolly this year, I'll help her pack and kick her down the school driveway on Thursday if she likes!

Missing rabbit still missing, still presumed killed in action. Still hate foxes.

Devastated

A fox got in last night, opened the cages and senselessly killed four of our seven rabbits. We have found three, all together in the garden, the fourth is missing presumed dead. Lolly is in shock and I cant stop crying. I hate the fact the foxes kill for instinct not to eat. Such a pointless death. RIP Fuzzle, Peaches and the baby rabbits.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one.
13. Potential Murder Suspect

The PMS Blues...Duh, Duh-duh-duh, Duh

Could you guys message me about every 28 days or so and remind why I feel like this, has taken me all morning to realise why I feel like crying for no reason, am inhaling chocolate, my head is thumping and have a thirst to match a camel, why dont I ever remember I have PMT until I'm well into it and am in danger of losing the respect of friends and family!

Her's is a tonic and mine is a gin...

I'm in a great mood! The sun is shining, I dont feel like something that feel out of one end of the dog, I'm listening to 'flathead' by the fratellis and 'voodoo doll' by the rogue traders as loud as I can without the neighbours complaining, feeling young again, amazing what laying on the sofa for 3 or 4 days feeling bad can do to make you appreciate life again once you get it back!

Nemo went to the vets this morning and after waiting a long time to be seen, they had an emergency so I cant complain. I was worried sick they were going to say that the dandruff on his back was going to be some dire complaint and theres was no hope and that his ears were full of some horrible bugs etc etc (dont google worst case scenarios for everything your puppy does...) turns out he's healthy, lovely and the vet adores him, I had to break up the snuggle session they were having, I'm trying to give his history and age and the vet is on his hands and knees making kissy wissy noises while the dog licks his nose (ok, I'm jealous, the vet was good looking and back in the day I had that effect on men.....) He's delayed his jabs by a week as he had a very wet poop this morning and may have chewed something he shouldnt but other than that a clean bill of health. Took us an other hour to get past all the nurses and receptionists who wanted to tickle him and declare what a cutie he was, I'm starting to realise that I'm going to have to learn to be tough with people, poor puppy hasnt got any immune system yet and people are scratching their dogs and then wandering over to us and letting nemo chew their fingers!

Just thought, am I doing that thing that women do with new babies and talk of nothing else....
ok, consider myself slapped, I'll think of something else to talk about when I finish giving him a tummy rub...

I have to laugh at the obscure relevency that my little ad thing comes up with, but I thinkI'm not allowed to mention it..?

*********************************************************

Puppy is poopy, we take him outside every half an hour and we mostly get lucky and he is learning but he is pooping so often I'm not sure if he is well? How many times an hour can a puppy poop? At least he seems to know to do it on the floor that can be baby wiped and then antibacterial-ed rather than my new carpet, bless him! He's great at night, stays in his crate, sleeps, doesn't whine and holds it in but during the day he never stops! I've been googling about his breed a lot but all the sites presume you have the basic knowledge, I need absolute specifics, laymans terms, back to basics instructions having never owned my own dog before, only the family one when I was younger.

He has his first vaccination tomorrow, that should be fun, maybe I'll get my mum to hold him then he can blame it on her, any tips on anything puppy wise from dogs owners would be more than welcome!

**********************************************************

Still getting over the cold, still hating it, the weather was lovely today, we went to a car boot sale early (does everyone have those, like a yard sale only from the boot of your car in a large car park? Never sure if its just an english thing?) Just picked up some videos for Dumpling and a few toys for him, we got there a little late so all the good stuff was gone, you need to be there at dawn if you are serious about it. Was busy as first decent weather we have had in weeks. But was exhausted by the time we got back, mum offered to take dumpling for a few hours and Lolly was out spending her birthday money on cheap earrings, you could hang a parrot from the ones she bought...Tried to nap but it was the noisiest sunday afternoon ever, bin lids slamming, teenagers shrieking, dogs barking and then a car alarm went off and I live in a quiet neighbourhood! I guess the sunshine brought everyone out for the afternoon, pity I was trying to sleep off a high temp! Gave up in the end and watched re-runs of 'Frasier', until mum rang to say she was bringing dumpling home as he was upset and wanted me, strange, he usually will stay at grandmas for as long as he can, more sugar, less rules! Turns out mum had left the shed door open and it was creaking in the breeze! Scared him witless!

I have a cold

An annoying, feels like I breathed in gravel sort of cold, not enough snot to blow my nose or cough properly but enough to make me dry cough constantly, have a sore itchy throat (and ears) and the inside of my nose feels like its been sandpapered. I'm not good when I'm ill, I get irritable, I want everything done before I collapse on the sofa but I'm in no fit state to do it. My temp keeps going up and down, one minute I have the chills and then I'm sweating. I hate it, with two kids and another to look after plus the animals I cant take to my bed and sleep it off as much as the thought sounds heavenly.

Weather is still rubbish, its July and I'm wearing jeans jumper and welly boots, I should be wearing bikini and sunscreen! At least the eternal pouring of rain has stopped but its still not summer.

Saw a rat outside yesterday, it scuttled under a rabbit cage, spied on the area through the window and saw mummy, daddy and baby rat! I wont put traps out as its me that has to dispose of the remains, gross, and although I have put poison out, I dont like to because the the danger to the kids, rabbits and puppy and again if I find the dead rat its me to has to clear it up. So I've decided to chase them out, I'm moving all the cages around, using the outside vacuum cleaner a lot amd making as much noise and disturbance as possible in the hope they wont like it and will leave the garden.

I'll write more later, am tired, sniffy and irritable x

The Funeral

Nana Bettys funeral was on Monday. Unbeknown to me Dumplings father was attending. I haven't seen Lollys father in almost 14 years and Dumplings for 3 years and I have to see them both in 24 hours? I kept my big black sunglasses on and tried to avoid him, I thought his casual attitude and appearance was disrespectful and his girlfriend should have been slapped for spitting out her chewing gum and lighting a cigarette at the graveside. I stayed at the wake just long enough so as not to be rude and then got out of there. I'm glad I went to pay my respects to Betty and for her daughter, Dumplings nan but I hope I never have to see certain people again.

This has been a difficult week, thanks Maria, graceful and gracious is how I've tried to be, I think I'm managing it.

Puppy / Thoughts

Nemo is doing what puppys do, at least it cured the children of leaving their stuff all over the floor, they dont want it chewed! Toilet training is getting there, hopefully will improve no end when we can walk him outside after his innoculations. Wish I still had my sling baby carrier, then I could take him out for a walk with me to get him used to the sights and sounds of the area, he came from a quiet cul-de-sac and is very sensitive to noise. Annexe neighbour goes to work at 6am which wakes him up which wakes me up so I'm very tired.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

8 of us went for pizza last night, 3 of us and five of them. To anyone watching we were just one big family, we chatted and laughed. I encouraged Lolly to go on the dance mats in the arcade with her dads wife (as she will be known, dont push it) I dont know how I feel, part of me is happy for Lolly and I'm relieved that his plans to support Lolly will mean that I'm not living hand to mouth worrying about it but another part of me feels defeated. Nothing we ever argued about has been resolved, I guess we just got tired of it and its different now we know each other for real. We're just ignoring the elephant in the room that is he knew I was pregnant and just left the country and never looked back. He went on to meet his wife, marry her and have children assuming that I had 'sorted' the situation he left behind. But its a long time ago, I dont feel any emotion towards him, good or bad. But a small part of me would like recognition that he was wrong to do what he did.

Just keep smiling.............

Graceful and gracious....stop grinding teeth.....graceful and gracious........

OK!

Busy few days!

Lollys birthday was on Tuesday, it was lovely and we came home late in the evening, full of cake and happiness to find that Lollys father had emailed. I don't talk about it on the blog now seems a good time to start. Lolly had never met her dad, he left the country before she was born. I found his contact details about two years ago on the web, I had always known how to get into contact with him via some of his family if I had needed to, say for some genetic medical treatment if I wasn't suitable, but they didn't know about Lolly. She had started to ask questions and I thought she was of an age where she could handle it so I got in touch. He had married and had two boys (he has an older boy who lives near me too) Things didn't go very well as we tried to communicate by email. They took everything I said the wrong way and were on the attack verbally all the time. There were also long periods, months at a time when I wouldn't hear anything from them. But Lolly and her father began written contact through me by email and it had gone well, he promised many times to visit from UAE but could never make it.

But on Tuesday night he emailed to say he would be flying in in 48 hours. It threw us into a headspin, Lolly had an anxiety attack at school and I had to go and pick her up. They met for the first time yesterday, just me, Lolly and her father in a coffee shop and it went very well, Lolly was overwhelmed at first and cried a little but soon joined in our conversation as we talked about life in UAE, the weather etc. soon we were all laughing and you would never have known that 18 months of unpleasant emailing had preceded.

We met again today to buy her 13 years worth of birthday present and will all meet tomorrow for pizza.

So I guess you should meet the present, Nemo....